“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” Dalai Lama

• Upon being introduced by Laurene Powell Jobs, Founder and Chair, Emerson Collective and the widow of Steve Jobs, she asked, “How can a man who knows so much, smile so much?”
• His source of joy is a matter of principle.
• We are 7 billion people – all the same on an emotional level. Our emotions are either constructive or destructive. Our survival depends on love and compassion.
• When we are born we seek affection (especially from our mothers with breastfeeding). Then when we are about to die we seek affection (we don’t care about our work, our status, our money – all we want is to be surrounded by loved ones).
• The medical care system also needs to show us affection not treat us like machines. Consider that life is precious. Need an attitude that your health is my health. From Native Indian saying, “Your blood is my blood.”
• The compassion emotion is the most important to develop.
• A happy, calm person does not need alcohol (well, maybe a little bit he joked). Why turn to drugs? Anxiety and worry at the body level has us seek comfort. We want pleasure. When we do this we depend on sensorial experiences only and these are temporary/limited. We want physical comfort yet our pain is mental. This is more important to attend to than the physical. If we take care of our mental pains of worry and unrest which runs underneath – we will have less or no physical pains.
• Society is geared to materialism. We ignore what is important. There is a huge gap in this world between the rich and the poor. This is morally wrong. We are all the same. We are all brothers and sisters. This large gap should not exist.
• The new cancer is corruption and injustice. We must exert self-discipline with our moral principles. Our moral ethics are far too narrow for 7 billion people.
• People tend to have faith only when things are going well. Pray for everyone else who has ill fate. Yet when something happens to us – we ask, “Where is God now?”
• The new moral ethics needs to be based on secularism – not Christian principles. Model afterIndia, government based on secularism for 3000 years – with a multi-religious nation. We need to have an acceptable principle for all religions and also for the non-believers. With many cultures, religions – needs to be universal. Does not mean disrespect of tradition – it is respect of all religions and non-believers. Inclusive.
• As children we’re all brothers and sisters. There is no separation. We don’t see other races, etc. Yet we learn this from our parents, from society. We are fresh when young and then become tainted with negative emotions (jealousy, competition (in form of greed), anger, etc) which become destructive. Alternatively we must build a strong sense of self – so from here we can build courage and altruism. We must have compassion, desire, and love WITHOUT attachment. Unbiased. Understanding that as a human being, we all have rights. Our humanity = oneness = compassion without borders.
• We must make distinctions. When our anger is out of ill feeling toward another or a situation it is negative. When it is out of concern and altruism it can be positive.
• We all come from common experiences. 1^st from Mother where we receive affection and nourishment. If we had abuse as a common experience then we will develop insecurity, anger, frustration, and/or suspicion and this needs to be attended to (healed).There are really no differences between us. We all want the same things. If we have a calm mind, we will have a healthy body. Reduce anxiety in body, speech, and mind and we can be dedicated to others with a positive attitude = self-confidence and inner-strength.
• Change comes from day to day effort. It is ongoing. If we say, “me and the other” or “we and they” – we create distance. We need to create a big WE.
• 7 Billion people are part of the WE. There is no ground for us to negate anyone of this right. The effort must come from the individual. From inner-peace we can then create peaceful families, communities, and ultimately a peaceful world.
• Forgiveness = forgetness = do so out of concern for the other – not from anger. We must come from the full Spirit of dialogue which is peace. The goal should be to live a peaceful life and be happy. Compassion = forgiveness.
• Shared something he had heard from a Cuban refugee “I pray that God will bring Castro to Heaven sooner.” This was his compassion.
• In Buddhism one has many lives to do this – it requires them! (forgiveness)
• Avoid words like the best, the worst, the fastest, the cheapest especially with regard to children. (e.g. what is the fastest way for him/her to learn?)
• There are 2 important ways to raise children: 1) Give them affection ongoing (involve others in this too – family/friends/community) yet primarily the parents’ responsibility. Spend time with your children.  2) Offer them a holistic view of the world.
• As great thinkers, philosophers, scholars do – do not accept just out of Faith. Accept out of inquiry (as do the scientists). Not even one’s religion – study it – research it – experience it before you accept anything as truth. This is what Buddha encouraged.
• He admired most Buddha, Gandhi and Mother Teresa. How they all stuck to non-violent principles.
• The future is open and there is no guaranty. We must understand both concepts. Watch our narrow minds. Be willing to look around for a different way of life. Depend on one’s own determination.  Wisdom is found in a holistic view. Look through a wider lense and it is then easier to overcome obstacles.
• With regard to social media and television (media influences), he stopped watching television years ago. People ask him if he’s bored. He asks if it is some kind of requirement for us to watch the television. Does someone mandate doing so a few hours a night?  Turn TV off, take a break from all the social media — read, spend time with your children, there are so many other things one can do. <Don’t be a slave to anything. This is attachment.>
• How to let go of pain from past and find peace? Feel it first and face it. Then let it go. Do not attach to it. Can either become hopeless or stronger. We are either soft or hardened based on experiences. (e.g. folks inEuropeliving through WW 1 and 2 – hardened/strengthened. We are softer in this country. This is why 9-11 came as such a deep shock to us all. We’d never suffered anything like this.
• Be truthful, honest. There is real strength in this. Lead an honest life and then we can fight any obstacle with self-confidence. Can keep our determination when we’re truthful. Be a learner. “Each day I’m learning.” Investigation is key. Debate and analytical thinking bring solutions.
• If it is a problem from nature it can’t change. Yet most of our problems stem from our mind – our negative emotions. We must with a warm heart develop individual and group responsibility with intelligence and continual effort. Focus on making a contribution.

Suzan's Drawing - The Desert Dance

Suzan during hike

Suzan and Jim - Happy Hour in the Desert

 Poem inspired by Camping Week-end in Borrego Springs (Blair Valley)

Essentially we assimilate information, or prefer taking it in, in three different ways. These learning styles are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Jack Canfield in his book, The Success Principles, mentions the following examples: Visual people prefer to see things. They want images, illustrations, and/or demonstrations. For example, they would rather have cards, a colorful flower bouquet, or a framed photo of the two of you.

Auditory people want to hear from you. This person would enjoy a spontaneous phone call from you, having you sit down with him/her to share your support, or listening to a recording of his/her favorite songs that you made. Kinesthetic people prefer experiences as they respond best to touch. They would choose things like going for a walk together, taking dance lessons, or having a back or foot massage.

So how do you discover someone’s primary learning style? You can ask them up front as many people are already aware of this. Your partner will be grateful for your interest. If he/she does not know, Jack Canfield suggests you ask them to recall a time in their lives when they felt most loved and describe it to you. “Was it something they said (auditory), did (visual), or the way they touched you (kinesthetic)?”

Appreciating your partner in the way he/she prefers is certain to deepen your connection.

 I have found making room for daily rituals to be a powerful use of my time. Each morning I devote approximately 30 minutes to one hour to my “basket of ritual practices.”

 Sitting on a comfortable sofa in the living room in front of a picture window, I first light a candle, pray, and meditate listening to one of my meditation cd’s. Then I reach into my “basket of ritual practices” to read some positive literature. Next I select an angel card sometimes asking a question beforehand if I need certain guidance. If I have more time, I take out my sketch book and draw something fun. I love to play with my colored pencils whenever I can.

 I also journal as a chance to release anything onto the page and resolve inquiries I may have. My inner-wise self has much wisdom to share. Finally, I select seven cards from my Yoga Deck at random and then do the poses for my daily pre-exercise stretch. My ritual practices set the tone for my day. I step into it with deeper awareness and a mindful presence. I cannot always predict what will show up in my day though I can take responsibility for how I respond to it.

An article on January 2, 2011 in The Washington Post concurs and recommends making small behavioral changes instead. Some of their suggestions include:

(1) Become more Focused: Our fast-paced, multi-tasking society has us juggling so many details, it is no wonder that often the balls are dropping all around us. This year decide to focus on one task at a time. Really give it your attention. Your efficiency will most likely improve and your memory may also.

(2) Resolve to Get More Sleep: Getting enough sleep (at least 7 hours per night) plays a huge role in our overall health and well-being. Not only does it do things like reduce the risk for heart disease, it also enhances our creativity and our memories. Much research recently has concluded that there is a positive connection with sleeping well and weight control. So get into bed earlier and/or set the alarm for later as your intention this year.

(3) Improve your Important Relationships: Having meaningful relationships reduces our stress, strengthens our resilience, positively impacts our moods, and even lessens our risk of mental illness, strokes, and the common cold. One way is to reach out more. Call three friends and/or family members per week who live out of your city. Don’t just email or text, pick up the phone and have a conversation. Connect. Also plan at least one visit with a friend per week (go for a walk, out for tea/coffee, or to lunch/dinner). Be curious with your friend/family member. Don’t just go on and on about yourself. Ask them questions about their lives. Then be quiet and listen. This will not only improve your relationships, it will also enhance your health.

An article on December 31, 2011 in The Los Angeles Times suggests that the reason most people “fall off their wagon early in the year” is they desire grandiose changes in their lives in a very short amount of time. Most of us tend to lack patience in our ramped up world where everything seems to be about a “quick fix or even a quick overhaul.” For example someone may decide to run a marathon and starts training vigorously. A month into it he/she decides there is no way this is going to happen so he/she gives up the idea altogether. Since we cannot go from being a tortoise to a cheetah in a short amount of time, it is wiser to focus on making small changes. Start with going up steps and avoiding elevators. Park farther away from the store and walk. Use your lunch break at work to go for a walk or work-out at a gymn if one is nearby. Focus your efforts on running a 5K and work up from there. Not only does this help build our confidence which is what keeps us moving forward, it is also important for the body. Too much too soon with exercise invites overuse injuries like strains and sprains.

This year try doing something different. Instead of writing up your long list of New Year’s resolutions, think tiny changes instead. Ask yourself: Which behavior, if changed over time, would make the most positive difference in your life? Who do you need to be to have what you want? What’s the next step? Then the next step? Remember change is a process and it occurs over time and many next steps. Make them reachable and you will be energized toward becoming the NEW YOU!

If you enjoyed this article, you may want to sign up for my monthly newsletter. This is an excerpt from my January newsletter. You can also get a free chapter from my eBook, Women at P.L.A.Y! Peace, Love, and Acceptance of Yourself after 40 at my site: http://www.SuzanTusson.com  

With our revved up lives and endless responsibilities, it is no wonder we feel this way. There are so many distractions which can keep us looping around instead of moving forward. Visiting social media sites, checking e-mail, even getting together with friends and/or volunteering can become this, if done to excess. What is it for you?

One distraction I’ve discovered, or rather finally accepted, is an office with files (both paper and computer) which desperately need updating, too many knick knacks staring back at me, and far too many books crammed into my library. I’m now devoting 1-2 hours per day to declutter and remedy this. It is a “tiny change” for my New Year which will greatly impact my productivity and ability to focus. Earlier today I filled up a huge box with books to donate to the library which I hadn’t thought I could ever part with. It is easy to fool ourselves on the “high school track” when we imagine that looking ahead means we’re focused. We somehow forget we’re going around in circles leading us nowhere.

Social media and email checking. “Yes, I’m guilty.” What I’m doing to remedy this is to only check email three times per day at 10:00 am, 2:00 pm, and 6:00 pm.Personal emails will be checked once in the evening (I’m still “in recovery” with this one). This has been a big culprit of my time because I so enjoy connecting with friends and family. I now visit social media sites after each email check (with a limit of 15-20 minutes per visit). By having regular times and limits to check email and log onto social media sites, I’m less likely to veer around that track again.

Working at home has been, at times, one big distraction. There is the laundry, the dishes, the mail, straightening up, and a view from our living room which I’d prefer to stare at all day long. The remedy I’ve found is to type a list daily as my left brain loves this. I then choose the top three items which must be done, no matter what. I assign times to everything, including my lunch break, when I’m finally allowed to gawk at nature and take in the bountiful song birds. When I block time and focus on one task at a time, I am more productive and moving forward instead of in circles. Best of all, it keeps me out of the rest of the house finding things I need to do.

I encourage you to reflect and/or journal about what has you on your “high school track.” Then I double dare you to establish new habits so you can move away from the seductive, circular rhythm and walk forward instead. One step at a time is all you need to take. Baby steps are fine too. Aside from gaining more time for your life, you’ll also discover more energy and peace of mind.

 Suzan Tusson, CPCC is the Author of the ebook, Women at P.L.A.Y! Peace, Love, and Acceptance of Yourself after 40. Please visit her website: http://www.SuzanTusson.com for a free chapter and/or to purchase her ebook.

I’ve learned to be alert, prepared, and to exert more energy in the climb. When braking I’m gentle with it. I pump the brakes a few times lightly. As in life sometimes I’m careering down a new area and it is equally important to slow down, notice where I am, and take it all in. This way I don’t panic and force “life’s brake” thus throwing me off balance and off course. How are you in new situations?

 Most of all mountain biking invites me to watch where I’m going as I maneuver through life. There can be contact, connection, and ease even in shaky times with more awareness and trust. Knowing my helmet and knee pads are on and that the shocks work just fine, I have all I need for protection. Sometimes the bike slips out from underneath me because in that split second I lost focus and went off course. In life when I’m off kilter something must happen to draw my attention to it. So I topple, get up, brush myself off, and resolve to get back on track.

 Mountain biking asks me to stay on for the ride in all conditions appreciating the beauty, ruggedness, and all the contrasts. I notice nature at play all around me and feel the sacred connection with Mother Earth. I’m urged to move forward rather than stopping at each edge to whine and insist, “I can’t.” I’m encouraged to move right through it because it is the stops which can frighten me the most if I allow them to. When I get to an unfamiliar place which seems more challenging I must ask myself, am I getting off my bike with resistance, refusing to go down and walking it because I just haven’t given it a chance? Do I do this in life–give up on myself before even attempting “it”? Do you?

 Could I instead look at the unfamiliar as merely a new course? It can be a challenge yet it also can be easier. My husband,Jim, tells me, “Just stay on the bike. It’s actually easier that way.” So I resolve to quit climbing off my bike so often making “it” (“life”) more difficult than it needs to be. I plan to stay on and enjoy the ride, all of it. What about you?

2) Use a small plate for your hors d’ oeuvres. Eat smaller portions. Do not nibble indiscriminately. Always use a plate.

3) Drink more water instead of sodas which are laden with calories. Instead of alcohol ask for sparkling water with lemon. If you must have egg nog choose the low or non-fat selections or the soy nog.

4) Be conscious about what you’re choosing to eat. Do your best to select the lower fat items (e.g. the ones which are not fried, in a cream sauce, or primarily made of processed sugar). Ask yourself if it is really worth it (the extra calories and what it will require of you later on to release the weight). If you select a dessert do so from a conscious choice. Do not eat anything just because it is in front of you.

5) Remember that resisting certain foods at a party is not rude. Do what is best for you and your health.

6) Make sure to balance the extra social gatherings with more exercise. Instead of meeting friends/family out for meals, go for a walk together instead. Find ways to be more active to burn more calories.

7) Make sure to get enough sleep. Do not be tempted to stay up late to wrap more presents or to go to so many events that you wear yourself out. During flu season it is even more important to rest and stay well.

*From Monthly Newsletter (December, 2011 issue)

Many years ago while vacationing in Kauai I decided to try scuba diving. I’d done it once before, a shore dive, and had a great experience. I thought I’d step it up and go on a 2-tank dive from a boat. On my first dive I flipped over the back of the boat and had begun to descend. As I breathed into the regulator, nothing happened. I gasped for air and flailed around like a fish on the deck of a boat.

Then I reached my head above the water, took out the regulator, and took a long breathe. I’d been given a tank without air and could have drowned. Being a new scuba diver, I hadn’t double checked the gauge to see how much air I had. Neither had my instructor.

Since I had nearly drowned twice when younger, both in a pool as a child and later in theGulf of Mexico while caught in a rip tide, I didn’t exactly have the best relationship with water. I thought I’d learn to scuba dive to overcome this fear. After receiving a tank without air, I vowed to never do this sport again.

Last week during our vacation in the Riviera Maya, Mexico, south of Cancun, I walked over to the dive shop with my husband, Jim, to find out available dates for him to dive. He’d done this since his late teens and on our vacations he’d dive while I generally snorkeled or did something else. A part of me envied him when I’d look at his undersea photos. He captured a colorful, vibrant world I had never visited. Yet the other part of me felt so terrified that I quickly pushed any longing aside. It had become “what Jim does.”

As I stood next to him at the dive shop, an instructor kept looking at both of us as she shared the information. “Don’t look at me. I’m not going,” I said.

            “Well you can go. You can take a lesson in the pool that same morning. Then you can go out with Jim on the dives. Why not give it a try?”

            “But you don’t understand. I had a bad experience. I was given a tank with no air. I’ll never do it again.”

            “Oh, I’m sad to hear such a thing. What an awful experience. But what if you could create a new one,” the instructor said.

            Before I could dig my heels deeper into the sand with my many excuses, I nodded. I heard myself say, “Yes. I’ll try it again. I’d like to create a new outcome.” I couldn’t believe what I heard myself say.

            “What are you saying?” Jim asked. He stood there with his mouth open. He couldn’t believe it either.

            During the pool lesson when I first put the regulator in my mouth and began going under the water with it, I jumped up quickly. I took it out of my mouth and shouted, “I can’t do it.” The young instructor in his heavy Mexican accent said, “Yes you can do it.” Then I looked over at Jim standing on the sidewalk nearby. He said, “I know you can do it.”

            Next I focused on my breathing and told myself, “Yes I can do it,” and bravely sunk down to the bottom of the pool with my equipment on and the regulator firmly in my mouth. The rest of the pool lesson seemed a breeze. I then put on my wetsuit, grabbed my gear, loaded it all onto the boat, and headed out for my first dive.

            As I jumped into the water, swam over to the rope, and clung on, my instructor motioned for me to begin the descent holding onto the rope. He did it along with me. A short distance down I needed to clear my mask and tried to return to the surface to do so. Only he wouldn’t let me. He forced me to do it under the water and for a moment I felt as if a Great White had charged at me. I thought about swimming back to the boat and hanging out there for the next few hours. Then I imagined I’d be sitting with my towel around me shivering for hours, not a very fun way to pass the time.

            A voice inside told me to stay in the water, to trust myself and the instructor more. I could do it. So I cleared my mask under the water, gave him the okay sign, and continued the slow descent. As I reached the bottom it seemed like I had climbed into a Kaleidoscope. Brilliant colors, shapes, and sizes of coral surrounded me. Schools of exotic, vibrant fish seemed to swim right through me. Then the instructor began feeding a huge green moray eel which in the past I’d only seen in photos.

            Although Jim was not my buddy, he still swam near me and we took a lot of photos together. For the first time I would know what it was like “down under.” As I later returned to the surface and made my way over and into the boat, I felt like some ancient explorer who had just discovered a new land. Life had edged me to delve deeper so I could realize this whole new world, and I had embraced the challenge. Before this experience I’d thought my fear was as big as a towering giant. In reality it had turned out only to be an ant.

            By the end of the week I had successfully completed 2-tank dives off of the boat, all of the tests in the pool and in the sea, and even took the certification exam and passed. I left the trip as a scuba diver opening up a bold new world filled with possibility. When we face our fears squarely on rather than running away from them, we can discover that the sharks were only minnows all along.

• If you are the host, release the idea you must be “a one-woman show.” Ask for help with the meal either from the folks who share the home with you and/or have your guests bring some of the side dishes. Enlist support with cleaning the dishes ahead of time.
• If you will have out-of-town guests for a number of days discuss the following with them ahead of time:

• How you will manage meals.
• What their expectations are (sightseeing, transportation, etc.).

• Ask yourself how much personal space you need. Be honest with yourself. Plan for your self care and nurturing. (i.e. carve out half an hour of some quiet alone time in the morning in your room; have someone close to you take the guests out for one of the outings so you can continue with meal planning and shopping; build in time for your daily exercise and let your guests know this is critical for your well-being). When you make the time to nourish yourself, you can then be fully present with your guests and enjoy them.
• If you’re the one traveling make sure you communicate to your host any dietary needs (i.e. you may want to go to a nearby grocer upon arrival), discuss how you’ll exercise (i.e. places to walk, a local gym), and build in some quiet time to tune everything out and go within. Definitely get to the airport hours before your flight (as many as your carrier recommends) so you do not have any added stress.
• Learn to have more balance with social media and on-line technologies. (i.e. need help to tell your daughter, son, niece, or nephew to not text at the dinner table? What about limiting time on Facebook for yourself or guests?) I’ve written an article on my blog to help you and your loved ones do this.
http://bit.ly/oDY2kA

Women at P.L.A.Y! Peace, Love, and Acceptance of Yourself after 40

My eBook, has a chapter called “Strengthening Your Relationships.” This chapter can help you thrive during the upcoming holidays and also explore new ways to energize your current relationships.

I offer a free chapter on my website so you can check it out. You may purchase it as a PDF or from the leading eReader devices from the shop on my site: http://www.SuzanTusson.com. You’ll receive some bonus gifts with the purchase too. Instructions are listed on how to buy it either for yourself or as a holiday gift. I look forward to sharing my eBook with you and/or anyone you’d like to gift it to.

May you have a peaceful, loving, JOY filled, and safe Thanksgiving week!